Stages of Grief
by lilballerette10
Summary: Following Spike through his stages of grief after the season 3 premiere. The beginning of this story starts right after the end of that amazingly depressing episode. Warning: Season 3 Spoilers!


**Hey guys! So the season 3 premiere completely killed me…god I was balling like a baby it was so sad ****. Sergio Di Zio (Spike) and Mark Taylor (Lou) were BREATHTAKINGLY AMAZINGG in this episode!!!!!!! Spike's reaction when the bomb went off…that alone makes me ball everytime I see it lol Anywho this story is revolving around Spike as he goes through the 5 stages of grief. The song at the end is "I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel...such a sad song :(.**

_So the five stages of grief according to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross are Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance (in that order). Now I personally haven't lost anyone that close to me so I'm not sure if it always goes in this order or if people hit every single one of these levels but for this story I'm going to change it up a bit. I'll be taking out the bargaining stage and instead of denial/isolation being one stage I'm going to have it as two separate. So it'll go DENIAL, ISOLATION, ANGER, DEPRESSION, AND ACCEPTANCE however…the whole idea of acceptance I'm still working on because I don't know if he can accept it so soon. But I'll play around with it and see what I come up with __._

* * *

**STAGE 1: DENIAL**

"Spike…" The familiar voice came through his radio.

"Yeah buddy…Lou?" _Just hold on Lou, I'll get you out soon!"_

..…

"It's gonna be okay…"

Everything in Spike was telling him to stop, to turn around and run to Lou…but he couldn't, he couldn't turn around because…

"Lou?"

The fear in Spike rose tenfold…he knew his best friend…he knew that voice…what that silence meant…

Two seconds later his world came to a crashing halt as he heard the sound that would stay with him forever.

It happened so fast…too fast…too fast for anyone to register…too fast for Spike to realize his entire world was about to come crashing down.

The team froze as the explosion went off...as they watched one half of the "dynamic duo" being flung like a rag doll while the other half crumpled to the ground as if he had just been shot in the heart.

The next thing Spike registered was that he was on his knees on the hard ground crying into Greg's vest, he didn't remember how he got down there, all he remembered was that sound…the sound that will forever define this day…the sound that will haunt him for the rest of his life.

Greg picked Spike off the ground and helped him to the SUV. Ed and Wordy were doing their best to get everything packed up, even though their hands were shaking terribly and it took everything in them not to break down and cry themselves. Sam had made it back to the other SUV where Jules was inside crying.

* * *

Spike sat in the back, his head in his hands.

Lou…his partner, his roommate, his best friend…his brother...was dead. How the hell could he be gone…how the hell could his best friend be gone. This wasn't supposed to happen, Lou wasn't supposed to step on that landmine, he wasn't supposed to die. Spike lifted his blood shot eyes and tear streaked face as he slowly looked up at the last spot he had seen Lou, willing all of this to be a nightmare and for Lou to still be standing there. But instead of Lou he saw a bunch of officers around the area and he saw Greg walking towards a bunch of officers huddled around something in the corner…his heart shattered as he realized what they were standing around. The tears started coming down again and Spike just wished to god he could just curl up and die.

Greg fought back his own tears as he made his way to where the coroner was placing Lou inside a body bag. The bag was zipped up by the time Greg got there and he solemnly placed a hand on the bag.

"Lou…god buddy I am so sorry…I am so so sorry," Greg couldn't hold the tears in anymore as they came streaming down. This was his family…the team was his family, and Spike and Lou were the babies…he felt like he had just lost one of his younger sons.

Greg was shaken out of the sombre moment when he heard Ed and Wordy yelling Spike's name. Just as Greg turned around he saw Spike running towards him and Ed and Wordy trying to catch up with Spike. Greg ran towards Spike and grabbed onto the sides of his arms, Spike didn't need to see his best friend in a body bag; no one should have to see that.

"Whoa buddy," Greg started as he caught onto Spike's arms.

"I haveta go with him!" Spike yelled.

"Spike…" Greg was at a loss for words as he realised what Spike meant.

"No boss, I have to go with him, he doesn't know any of those people, he'll be alone…I have to go with him," Spike pleaded as he wiped his eyes and Greg's heart shattered as it dawned on him what was going on in Spike's head.

Ed, seeing that Greg couldn't speak, cautiously approached.

"Spike…he's in good hands, they'll take care of him," Ed said quietly.

"No! No! He doesn't know them! He might be scared when he wakes up! I have to go with him!"

Ed, Greg, and Wordy all froze at Spike's word.

"Spike…he's not going to wake up buddy…I'm sorry" Greg said as a tear slipped down his face.

"No…no…he will, you'll see…he will, I just…I need to go with him, he's my best friend I can't leave him alone with strangers!" Spike said as he tried to push his way past Ed and Greg. The two elder agents held on tight to Spike. Wordy stood there speechless holding back his own tears … how could this be happening to them?

"Let me go! I have to go with him! He can't be alone!" Spike tried his hardest to get away from Ed and Greg but their hold was too strong. Greg grabbed Spike into a hug.

"Spike…no," Greg held on tighter.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO GO WITH LOU…I HAVE TO…HE NEEDS ME!"

The tears were falling down Greg's face now.

"God Spike I am so sorry…he's not going to wake up Spike…he's gone buddy"

"NO! HE'S NOT, JUST LET ME GO WITH HIM!" Spike was struggling to get his boss off him.

"Spike," Greg choked out. "He's gone Spike…I am so sorry."

"No…no he's not…he's just hurt," Spike was finding it harder to breathe as he pulled away from Greg's hold on him. He knew…deep down he knew what Greg was saying was true…he knew Lou wasn't waking up.

"Oh Spike," Greg breathlessly let out still holding onto Spike's arm, knowing Spike would run to Lou at any moment. Seeing Spike pull out of Greg's embrace Ed moved behind Greg to grab Spike if he started to run to Lou.

"He'll be fine….he'll be fine…I just have to go with him…I just have…" Spike's eyes immediately shot up to the body bag that was zipped up all the way.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING!" he yelled as his eyes went wide. "WHY DID YOU ZIP IT UP! HOW THE HELL IS MY PARTNER SUPPOSED TO BREATHE!" Spike was getting frantic.

Tears slipped through Wordy's eyes as he heard his broken teammate…his broken brother…in front of him.

"OPEN THE ZIPPER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING!" Spike pushed past Greg before Greg could grab him. Spike advanced towards the bag but this time Ed was there to grab onto Spike.

Ed held firmly onto Spike's arms.

"Spike…" even Ed was at a loss for words.

"Ed, we need to open the zipper! Lou can't breathe!" Spike was pleading with Ed.

Ed stood there for a second just looking at Spike and his heart shattered for the young man in front of him.

"Spike…the coroner wouldn't zip it up with a live person in there…you know that Spike…if Lou is alive why is a coroner even here?" he tried to reason with Spike.

"I don't know ok! I don't know! I just know that Lou…"

"SPIKE LISTEN TO ME!" it broke Ed's heart to yell at Spike, but it was the only way he was going to get through. "Lou is gone Spike…I am so sorry…but he's gone"

Spike looked into Ed's sorrowful eyes and looked back at the body bag.

"No…he's…he can't be…it's Lou…" reality started to set in as Spike's breathing sped up.

"God I know buddy, but he's gone," Ed's voice was shaking now knowing that reality was about to dawn on Spike.

"No…he can't be…he can't…" tears started pooling out of Spike's eyes again as he could no longer finish that sentence. As realization dawned on him his knees buckled as he collapsed towards the ground.

Ed grabbed him before he hit the ground and lowered them both down. This time it was Ed holding onto Spike, holding the pieces of the broken man together as much as possible.

Ed couldn't hold back the tears anymore either as he knelt there holding Spike. Wordy and Greg watched on with their own tears streaking down their faces wondering how the hell their team was ever going to get past this.

* * *

They eventually got Spike to the SUV again as Ed and Greg filed into the same SUV and Wordy went with Sam and Jules.

Spike sat in the back completely silent, his face streaked with dried tears, as he starred out the window at the spot where he last saw Lou standing.

As they drove towards the station Spike didn't move an inch his gaze no longer out the window but at his feet.

Greg and Ed were driving in complete silence, neither of them knowing what to say after witnessing Spike's breakdown back there. It had completely shattered any resolve and any strength either of them thought they could hold up…this wasn't supposed to happen to them…this wasn't supposed to happen to Team One. They weren't just a "team"…they were a family at it's very core, they were all brothers and Jules the sister.

As they were driving Greg looked up at the rear-view mirror to look at Spike; Ed did the same thing through the side mirrors.

They both saw the utter emptiness in Spike's red rimmed puffy eyes as they were casted down at the floor of the SUV. Spike looked like a statue, completely still, completely quiet…and completely void of any life in his eyes.

Greg took his eyes back onto the road.

The team had just lost Lou…they couldn't lose Spike too.

_It was only one hour ago  
It was all so different then  
Nothing yet has really sunk in  
Looks like it always did  
This flesh and bone  
It's just the way that we are tied in  
But there's noone home  
I grieve...  
for you  
You leave...  
Me_

**TBC…Isolation chapter up next**


End file.
